d i z t o p i a

Mistah Devil Say Such Naughty Thangs

The devil has indeed found work for my idle hands. First day back from vacation, and I am vigorously assaulted on all sides by howling hordes of morons. My distress is so visibly profound that a pointless meeting was actually delayed to lessen my personal carnage. A delayed meeting! Never before has such a wonder occurred in the world, where usually the urgency of a meeting can be measured in direct proportion to its universal lack of utility. But it is miraculously true. So, to my appointed diabolical tasks. Pictures and commentary from the Nantucket attack mission later this week.

Happy Six Months, Lil' Stinker

Diztopia is now an official éminence grise, blog-wise: Today is the official six-monthiversary of this establishment's founding. And it seems only fitting that today I have officially exceeded my monthly bandwidth allotment. Thank you, my people! My friends! My SLAVES! Kneel!

Of course, the blame for the site's popularity spike can be laid squarely upon the shoulders of Krispy Kreme. The post about KK's blended frozen beverage was so widely linked that it has accounted for about 80% of total Diztopia pageviews over the lifetime of the blog. Not to mention my bandwidth violation ... but as yet, TypePad is mysterious about how I shall be punished. Given that post-Kreme pageviews have resumed much more modest levels, I'm hoping the crime will be overlooked, your honor.

Judging by non-donut stats, other greatest hits include the evolution of the Hamburglar; various doll aficionados or pervs or both seeking same in the Valley of the Super Dollfies; fans of cowboy ultraviolence drawn in by speculation about the movie version of Blood Meridian; and those concerned about Allegra Beck's caloric intake.

Of course, I'd be seriously remiss if I didn't mention the pre-donut monarch of Diztopia inhabitants, that being the Olsen Twins covered in slime. I'm proud to report that the same page is the second result one sees if searching for "namgla" on MSN (thanks Karsten). Even more popular is the archive page for end-of-week Link Dumps, which happens to be the top result for those Googling that phrase. Why people does that, I does not knows.

Enough tooting of the self-horn. There are many others out there been doin’ it longer and doin’ it bettter. See the links to the left for proof. But feel free to keep coming back for more of the same.

Here Child, Finish Your Nothing

For nothing is all you shall have today, and you shall be grateful for it, ja? Back from trip, will post details tomorrow. But for now, various works in progress have built to a face-melting crescendo, ascending in fact to the ultrasonic. Next month is going to be a wonderful time of joyous farting around, but for now, I've got the Man, the Man's Brother, the Man's Monkey, and the Man's Creepy Granny all clinging to my back and digging in with their crusty yellow toenails. Think of that as you lounge in your cushy cubicle, you lucky duck.

I'm Back

I alone have escaped to tell thee. Ten days is really way, way too long to stay in Las Vegas, but the trip certainly did have its moments. I'll post a full recap later this week along with photos of various foolish incidents. I have to say I'm very proud that the pre-trip Olsen twins post nearly doubled site traffic to Diztopia. That is testament both to the unspectacular readership numbers of this site and to the pathetically depraved interests of your average net lurker. Thanks, Popdex!