You Got Smooth Served

Return with us now to TALES ... OF THE PICAYUNE! No complaint too trivial! Bwaa ha ha! In All Seriousness: I am murderously pissed off about this new Coca-Cola bottle. (I promise, this gets interesting. Really.) I don't have the slightest comprehension of why I prefer Pepsi to Coke or vice versa. When growing up in the South -- a Coca-Cola stronghold -- I preferred Pepsi. A few years back, I decided I liked the taste of Coke in cans but Pepsi in bottles. I'm aware this is insane. Now that I'm in New York, I seem to be exclusively back on the Coke bandwagon in all delivery systems. Maybe it's the regional water at the local bottler. Perhaps the Coke mind-control lasers are more powerful up here, or the granulated heroin in the Pepsi is weaker. I don't know.

But back in May, Coca-Cola introduced this 1.5-liter "Smooth Serve" bottle, a biggie-size version of their 20-oz bottle. I can't find a relevant Coca-Cola Company press release online about the new bottle, probably because, since such a thing would have to be composed entirely of the most succulent horseshit, said press release has already decomposed. But according to Coke folk, the consumers were fairly screaming for a multi-swig bottle that was "easier to hold" and offered a more "smooth" pour. Plus, "some people" are "afraid" that they won't be able to consume all the soda in a 2-liter bottle before it goes flat. A supposed side benefit (for the Coca-Cola company) is that consumers will be more inclined to try other Coke flavors since these soul-shattering fears have at last been allayed by modern contour-bottle technology.

The 1.5-liter is supposed to be a few cents cheaper than ye olde 2-liter. (Coca-Cola's "ceiling" for each is $1.20 and $1.50 respectively.) Coca-Cola claims the 1.5-liter is not positioned as a replacement for the 2-liter, but I haven't seen a 2-liter of Coke in NYC since June. Shelf space is scarce round here. I'm actually not sure if the 1.5-liter is even for sale anywhere outside New York yet, since it appears New York bottlers were the first to try it. Don't even get me started on the 3-liter bottle, my old flame from mega-market days. Such magnificent bastards are not allowed in these parts, or at least not Manhattan that I've seen.

My local markets have nothing but the 1.5-liter pipsqueaks, and the price is the same, or so much within the old 2-liter price range as to make no difference. If they wanted to make the bottle easier to hold, they could just have morphed some kind of plastic handle extrusion, like a milk jug. As to Coke going flat in a 2-liter? Gimme a break. I can suck down a 2-liter in one hot afternoon. I can't recall the last time I let any size soda go flat in my fridge. If you can't do the same, stick with the baby bottles, Betty. And don't forget to wipe the baby poop off your diaper, ja.

So now I'm back to buying Pepsi, since they still come in those unmanageably bulky, sloppy-pouring, fizz-leaking 2-liter bottles. Though I have to admit that the 1.5-liter would probably make a better emergency bong, I desperately need all the bulk caffeinated fluid I can stockpile. Perhaps ironically, I was forced to reduce the size of this post to make it easier to grasp and digest (though gas emissions remain an issue). Thus, there is actually nothing interesting here. But now that you have this extra time, perhaps you'd like to try some of our other flavors?

Comments

[Karsten]

Hey, fat ass, it'll do you good to get out a little more than usual and buy another coke. Instead of buying one two-liter get two one- liters. Get an old 3-liter coke bottle off eBAY and you'll have the old three-liter coke of yore.

Just make sure you grab a couple scoops of Emack & Bolio's along the way to the store.

By the way, I don't know what it is but I also find coke in a can is far superior to Pepsi. I also find that cokes in the morning from McDonald's (especially when served with a McGriddle) are superior to other fast food chains. Weird, huh?

[s.h.]

I haven't seen these stupid 1.5 liter bottles yet. I agree that they make absolutely no sense. However, the new 12-packs with the 12-ounce plastic bottles rock.

(It is a little perplexing that you don't have the beloved 3-liter up there... someone get Mike Bloomberg on this please.)

[John M. Hicks]

No reliable Internet service up here in Chicago, and this Mac I'm trying to type on is just WEIRD! But,

The key to bottling marketing is simply the idea that consumers need something new. That's why they change package sizes and the like. And, they love creating mechanical headaches in their production facilities.

There is a new profit engine concept in bottling, as seen in B'ham's new 16.9 oz/ 0.5 liter Pepsi push. This, for those who haven't seen it, is an impossibly tall, skinny bottle, which is slated to be a replacement for the 20 oz. bottle, and they plan to charge the same price. Look at Chris' pictures, and note the diameter of the bottom of the bottle. This is key.

The profit engine sez that if the consumer spills the drink, they'll buy more. All new bottle sizes sport the tiny, narrow bottom. They WANT you to spill it!

JH

[s.h.]

It may be even simpler than that: a tiny, narrow bottom means that you're less likely to put the drink down, for want of a safe place to put it. Which means that perhaps they just want you to hold on to it and keep drinking. Because the sooner you finish it, the sooner you'll buy another.

[cTm]

this new coke bottle plus the new slender pepsi bottle are both bottle standards in other parts of the world. you can get 3-liters up here in the ghetto supermarkets of el bario in my hood, still considered manhattan (and definitely not "out-of-town"). another great reason to come visit!

[John M. Hicks]

                I dunno, man. I spent this past week shopping Michigan Avenue in Chicago, and I gotta tellya, this Southern Boweh can't afford it! Our favorite store was Filene's Basement. (And they call it "Pop" in Chicago, not "soft drink.")

                Of course we did drop over $500 at Spiaggia on one meal for four. (And a drink at the Drake across the street, chasing the ghost of Al Capone...) And DAMN! What a meal! This was the sort of place that five employees were waiting on you to drop a napkin, and they would whisk the old one away, and give you a freshly folded one...

JH

[Tom Smith]

I live in New York and I haven't purchased Coke in months. My supermarket still offers the 2 liter bottles (for $1.40). But
Pepsi usually has sales on their 2 liter bottles for .99 cents. I wrote Coke a letter, telling them that this new bottle is the worst idea since New Coke. They didn't respond. This is just another example of the downsizing of products...giving you less for the same price. So although I love Coke, I refuse to buy those new bottles or over pay for the old ones. So I am now a regular Pepsi drinker.

[Tom Smith]

Ha! Coke should hire me to run their marketing! I predicted a decrease in Coke sales and an increase in Pepsi sales due to this new smooth serve bottle and the corresponding price increase. Looks like the public has spoken. Check out the sales results on the link below.

http://finance.myway.com/ht/nw/bus/20040928/hlm_bus-n28450561.html

On a final note...looks like Coke is waking up. At the supermarket last week, they had the 2 liter bottle on sale for .99 and the smooth serve for .79 (my original pricing suggestion). So I purchased Coke, first time since June !

[chris m]

All I can say is that it smooth-serves them right. I'm still in Pepsiland, since none of the markets near me stock anything but the 1.5-liter Cokes. But perhaps the smooth-serve will eventually go the way of the dodo.

[Joe]

This was Coke's sneaky way of raising prices. Same price, smaller bottle. A total rip-off. I had been drinking Coke products since I was a kid, but no more.