d i z t o p i a

New School of Gawk

I suppose I'll have to start posting on Ye Olde Abandoned Personal Blog now that I've shifted jobs once more. Previously the editor at Gridskipper, you may now find me in the newly assembled managing editor chair at Gawker. Read the rationale here, enjoy the first-day jitters here, and weep at the tearful farewell here. For my part, I'm just glad that Gawker once again has an Alabamian component. Much more to come, as I embark on my plan to ruin the franchise for everyone. Join the fun, won't you?

Time Warner Cable Guide Poetry Corner

Wednesday 8 P.M.

A beating death leads to teenagers.
The men undergo a body shave; two are eliminated.
A man has 24 hours to find his kidnapped son.
African prince and royal sidekick come to Queens.
The city becomes a glittering wonderland for dreams.
The hunting and survival methods of the polar bear.
Charlotte; brooch; chest of drawers.
Fifty million people are plunged into total darkness.
Proposing; skydiving; flooded street.
A man seeks revenge against a bully.
A female party-goer claims self-defense after killing her attacker.
Un complot de intriga y secretos oscuros.
A herpetologist helps a detective track her flushed-away pet, now a king-size mutant called Ramone.
An escaped convict evades the police and a hit man who thinks he is someone else.
Yucatan lime soup; seviche; chicken; chocolate-banana desserts.
The bride wears stripes; the flower girls wear gorilla suits.
Groom's sister thinks the bride is a killer.
New Yorkers look into a neighbor's death.
A seductress blackmails a married salesman.
Detective exits coma, enters murder mystery.
A private eye cannot seem to get away from a gambler and his no-good girlfriend.
Adam's disturbed friend abandons his family.
Behind the scenes; animals in rehearsal.
Deaths caused by spontaneous combustion.
The most notorious weather events in recent years.
A busy man's wife has their porch renovated.
The weatherman tells of his gastric bypass surgery.
New Jersey Cardinals at Staten Island Yankees.
Pyramids of Egypt.
Latest news and action from the world of golf.
Adrenaline pumping sports.
A couple needs help with a large basement.
A boor causes trouble during Hanukkah.
Un hombre intenta vengarse de un asesino.

Meet the Old Boss

Same as the new boss, i.e. the boss I worked for last month. This week, I start full-time blogging over at Gridskipper. No more Bronx commute, sad to say. Now I can remain cooped up in my lair throughout the day, emerging only at night to feast on the blood of the living. Come visit and send in your urban travel advice. Should be city-related and appealing to the younger, cooler, sexier crowd, i.e. no one who reads (or writes) diztopia. But just in case such a person stumbles here by accident, drop something in the tip jar at tips@gridskipper.com. Oh yeah, and while looking at Gridskipper, be sure to click on every single link at least 12 times per day. Only this regimen and megadoses of vitamins will keep the aliens away.

Hot Maine Mollusk Facial Action

Went to coastal Maine for much-needed vacation decompression, and I and the Girlfriend Attorney stayed in the little tourist town of Ogunquit, which it turns out is something of a gay Mecca in terms of twee New England destinations. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Though I imagine Muslims get annoyed with the "gay Mecca" term, and perhaps gay Muslims get even more annoyed, offended by the suggestion that the actual Mecca is not already gay and accepting enough of their lifestyle. Because, you know, it totally should be. And anyway, how do Meccans refer to a non-Mecca location that attracts people of a particular demographic?

But enough Andy Rooney bullshit. The trip was great and too short, though the coast was seized by the same tyrannically brutal steam wave that broiled the rest of the country this past weekend. It was comparable to the Alabama heat I remember so well, and experiencing that in Maine just seems like a betrayal of fundamental climatological law. North = cold. That's what we learned in AP Confederate Studies, and that's the way it oughta damn be.

Anyway, there are of course photos. Warning: contains rocks. Lots and lots of rocks.

Got Weekend Plans?

In descending order of importance? Hard to say. I guess adultery is always wrong, even if you're trying to dodge the fornication sin by having adulterous sex for the express purpose of conceiving a child with someone else's spouse. That sort of thing only leads to cursing, lies, and anger-hate. Ah, precious Bronx alloy of trashy smut and religious nuts, how I'll miss ye.